I’m flabbergasted right now so I will write whatever comes
to mind.
Slacking Off
I’ve been slacking off as it relates to school work and my
health. My goal for the New Year was to be more focused academically and to eat
more healthily. After about a few weeks of trying to be committed to those
goals, I lost my motivation. Stress was probably the contributing factor to my
demotivation and the negative thoughts I’ve been harbouring. I admit that I’m
not the most bold or confident person in the world but I realized that not
being confident in myself and what I do affect me negatively in so many ways
because the negative thoughts simmer in the subconscious and manifest into
negative actions which reinforce my negative perspective on life. Consequently,
this negativity puts a strain and my mental health which then affects my
physical health.
On the other hand, exams are coming up. I sat some exams
during this week and the previous week and to be honest I didn’t invest much
time in the preparation process which is terrible. These exams are basically replicas
of the papers I’ll actually sit in two month’s time. Therefore I should have
prepared for them as I would for the actual thing but fear of failure exceeded
my hope for success which contributed to lack of my desire to prepare. Additionally.
sitting those exams made me aware of my weaknesses which are essay writing
(English and Spanish) and replying to short-answer questions and also my trying
to stay within a give a word limit and manipulating the given exam time well. I
will tackle these weaknesses in preparation for future examinations.
Porn
Porn Porn Porn! It’s everywhere; no one can escape it. It’s
hidden in the subtle tones of many songs these days or even worse it’s
explicitly conveyed in many artistes’ lyrical content. It’s in television shows,
magazines and on the dashboard of your tumblr page. Why is porn so prevalent in
contemporary society? Well, a simple response for a simple question is that,
sex sells. That, concept my friend is indeed true. I’ve noticed in the 17 years
of my young life that persons prefer to digest the filthy, raw ,sexual songs of artiste like Lil Wayne, Big
Sean and Vybz Kartel rather than to the indulge in the edited, less disturbing
and more subtle version of the song. Therefore in order for these
aforementioned artiste to remain at the top of such a competitive industry they
have to facilitate the desires of their fans and those of critics by creating ‘dirty’ and ‘clean’ versions of their songs
respectively. These songs evoke sexual desires in the most freaky, disturbing
and unromantic ways. Basically, they are porn in the form of words riding a rhythm
so well, making the songs catchy and leaving us with no other choice but to
sing along. I’ve been a victim as well. These songs implant ideas in our minds.
These ideas then remain in our minds and gradually manifest into actions because
the reality of it is that, what we digest is what we consume and what we
consume must become a part of our being or being expelled to the world.
Furthermore, porn is superficial. Sex, an act God created to
unite a man and woman in love so that they become one has been portrayed via
porn in the most unsacred, unloving and unromantic way. Sex is supposed to be a
private affair, behind closed doors and done out of love for the purpose of expressing
love in a relationship or reproducing, nothing more and nothing less. These
actors have sex for the purpose of earning an income because they ‘love it’ or because
it’s a temporary fix to propel them to a more stable job. I’m not trying to come
across as a know-it-all but I’m stating the facts here. I’ve read and listened
to interviews involving women who were a part of that industry and most of them
stated that is not a glamorous job, that is, having sex with strangers even when
one refuses; being manipulated by directors and producers ; and depriving
oneself of pride and dignity just to earn enough ‘doe’ to maintain a certain lifestyle
porn stars are supposed to have. At the end of the day, they aren’t the most wealthy
people because porn is free for many to access so what was the purpose of
having men after men after men invading and mistreating your body as you allowed
them to ? Did you gain a pension lump sum? What were the health benefits? Did
you make your parents or children proud? Was the anal sex worth destroying the
many nerve ending and the sphincter in your rectum? I think not and regarding
the latter, you’re going to have many complications later in life when you can
no longer control how and the poo expelled, having destroyed your muscles in
your rear.
Sexuality
Wow, I’m on a roll today! Hmm sexuality? For now I’ve labeled
myself as an asexual, meaning that I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. To be
honest the thought of sex scares me and I don’t dwell on the matter since I’m
really still a child at 17 years. Hopefully, I’ll have many more years to experience
the wonders of the world but for now, there is no rush. There is never a reason
to rush things because that’s when unstable plans crumble within the blink of
an eye.
Hmm but I do wonder how people become gay and how people
decide to switch genders? Is a choice to be gay or is it because you don’t
choose who you fall in love with? What was your inspiration to follow through a
gender switch? I really do wonder about these issues especially the latter
since it’s a permanent, irreversible decision. Well, all the best to the happy earthlings
out there who have made these decisions, it is not power to judge you. That’s
God’s job.
Sin
I’m a very sinful person. I’ve been sinning since I was
born. Well, it’s kind of inevitable to not sin because it’s in our nature to
sin and sinful things are always the most alluring and enjoyable things. I want
to turn my life around though, to become more ingrained in Christianity; more
religious. There is a God and he does exist, he answers my prayers and is
always there for me even when I turn my back on Him and decide to sin. Such a
forgiving and loving being needs to be treated with more respect and love. I didn’t
what happened but I use to read a Psalm or Proverb in my Bible before I went to
bed. I want to resume that devotional behavior because I think it made me more
faithful in God and in myself, made me more relaxed and it fuelled my
aspirations. So, yep I want to do that.
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