A little synopsis of my Friday

Have you ever been somewhere and seen someone so shy and inferior when conducting business and you just have the urge to step in and take over the situation on their behalf? Well, I have . Those persons are not assertive enough to state their claims and make it evident that they are intolerbale of nonsene. At times I feel like if I could grow a backbone for them, I surely would.

Plot twist!

It turns out that I'm one of those persons. Not the bold ones; the shy ones. The ones who are content with staying in the background at all times, remaining hidden; invisible and inaudible. Whenver an oppotunity presents itself for me to express my opinion or contribute an idea,  I do not speak up. The dean of discipline addressed that issue today. I have a voice and I need to use it.

However, I did speak up in one of my classes and to be honest it felt quite liberating to speak up even though I did it alone. The  teacher asked if we thought that our country would be better aff as a colony? I disagreed and I will forever disagree. He then challenegd me for my reasons. I told him that as a free nation we're able to learn more about ourselves as a people and the regions around us. He disregarded that point and asked for another. My next response was that as a free nation we have more opportunity  and space for discovering ourselves as a people without someone imposing his/her values and beliefs on us. He agreed with this statement. And at the end of the day, I felt bolder knowing that I did that.

It's the person who's crazy enough to believe that he can change the world is the who does. This statement couldn't be anymore truthful. Everything in life begins with a thought. If you believe you can do something, you have already achieved half of the goal. The mind is very powerful. I need to use it more wisely.

Alsooooo...

I need to take more risks. The thought for today at school was along the lines of those who are afraid to take risks will never accomplish anything. Indeed. If you're too scared to do something because you fear failure or rejection , you're imposting restrictions upon yourself without facilitating the chance for it to actually happen. Sometimes our biggest bullies are our minds. That is what another thing I ought to change about myself; the way I approach challenges mentally and physically.

Ok  enough about me now...

If anyone reads this, tell me a little about yourself :)

Idea

I'm at point in my life where I'm still struggling to define myself and place myself within a particular social group. A lot of other things are bothering me as well so i decided to embark on a little activity. I'll write a letter to my 22 year old self. That will be approximately 3 years from now. When I'm 23, I'll read the letter and reminisce on how my life was then and see how much I've changed. 

I suggest you try a similar activity.

A ride from my teacher

I began my day on an uncomfortable note. 

So I wasn't feeling too peachy last night and as a result I lost a lot of sleep hours that I was looking forward to getting. With eyelids heavy with sleep I woke up this morning still a bit indecisive about whether I should go to school or sit the day out. I decided on the former and got dressed ate breakfast and l left for school.

 While I was walking along the avenue to emerge on the main road, a teacher of mine stopped and offered me a ride. Who am I to be impolite and decline the good deed? I opted for the backseat since I’m more comfortable there but he cleared off the passenger seat and after a brief argument in my head I got in and we were on our way.

However, before he even made it to the end of the street, the discomfort intensified.

 There I was, in the passenger seat of my fairly young male teacher’s car and we were going to school together. No he wasn't driving fast at all. This pic highlights how awkward I felt.

 I’m a senior, at the highest level in high school sitting the seat next to a male teacher. I found it inappropriate and too intimate and basically worrying my head off about how sordid the situation will look to someone else. Therefore the whole ride was spent with me squirming, breathing unevenly and being completely uncomfortable. My discomfort was quite obvious since couldn't conceal how stupid I was for accepting his offer. I was undoubted paranoid.

We arrived at the school and I started earning some looks from my fellows students. Who wouldn't’ look? That girl is coming to school with Mr. Blah?

“Oh my God!”

“Do you think they’re..?”

“I never thought she was that kind of person?”

No. I heard no one said that but my mind was inundated with those possibilities. It was a very innocent ride, few words were said about my slight phobia of travelling in front seats and so I guessed he felt a tad guilty. I was so glad when he parked. I almost galloped out of the vehicle and headed for another grade block that I’d surpassed two years ago. It did take me a few minutes to calm down.

I did have him for two teaching periods. I still found it awkward.

Luckily, my day progressed quite ok afterwards.

Idk..,rant

Sometimes I question my purpose. At times I try not to but it's human nature to wonder.  I wonder how my future will turn out and this sends me in a panic becuase my endless shortcomings are realized and I feel defeated. At the end of the day I remain a curious inidvidual because that's who I am. Sometimes I'm too overanalytical, pressuring myself and I miss out a little on what's happening right in front of me. I hate when that happens but the time has already been wasted.  Yes, insecurities do flare up though I try not to succumb to them. If I do, where will that get me?

Sunset

I took this pic the first day I returned for the summer holidays.

A little thought

If I refuse to take pictures as I am right now I'm openly refraining from capturing some frozen memories for the future.

If I take a picture wearing make up I'll find it more acceptable . Why should that be?

Insecurities are powerful if left unattended. They just feed off your low confidence and become more prominent and troubling as time progresses. Therefore, in order to prevent negativity from consuming your life, you ought to address issues that disturb your comfort. An insecurity may seem minor at the beginning but it worsens and can become a major issue.

Some of the most common insecurities that abound teenagers are weight- weight gain or loss, face- acne or  any other skin disease or ailment and body shape- girls craving broad hips and guys craving muscle development.
It is advisable that one should change something about himself if it is not to his liking. Why should time be invested in lamenting on a particular fault you're not pleased with? Time is precious and time spent is irreversible so use it wisely.

Return

Yasss! I've abandoned this blog once again but I assure you that it was purely unintentional. Exams came and went and i embarked on my summer holidays. Now, a new school year has begun. My very final year of high school is thrust upon me. Despite being in high for 7 years, the day when I leave for good was sure to come but now that I'm actually on the cusp of being immersed in the real world, I'm scared. Not to digress, but now that school has reopened , I'm feeling overwhelmed with work and sleep deprived already and it's merely the 4th week. Consequently,I will need a way to vent and express myself with complete strangers I'll never meet but who read my blogs anyways. Hhaha. Therefore I'll use this medium as my outlet.

Thanks for reading