I need to get this, whatever it is, off my chest. I can’t
sleep and when I sleep, I don’t get sufficient rest. I’m always worrying and
stressing my mind which just exacerbates the sticky situation I’m already in.
So, I’m in my second-to-last year of high school. It’s basically a pre-tertiary
level. Transitioning from normal high school to this pre-tertiary level is not
easy at all. I’ve been told in the past that this level is more demanding and
requires a lot of effort dedication and input with regards to school work. With
these requirements in mind, I still find it difficult to balance my daily life.
School has become the priority in my
life. Everything I do is school work. I breathe, eat and live school work now.
It upsets me at times because I realize now I’m not able to do this things I love
and enjoy like maybe watching a Korean movie here or there or watching a
television show because I have to sacrifice these hobbies for tackling a
Spanish assignment or completing a Biology experiment.
Anyhoo, yesterday I woke up about 6:10 am, which was late
since I’d contemplated waking at 3am. Yes, I woke up and struggled over and
Biology assignment, got tired and watched
Korean variety shows for the remainder of the day. I needed some happiness in
my life! I laughed and carried on when I
watched Shinee’s Hello Baby episode one. Even though I know time management is
a skill I lack so very much I still need to be working on it, developing it because
that’s the only way I’ll ever master it. The teachers always reiterate that 6th
form is preparing us for university and the real world but from what I’ve experienced
since last September , it doesn’t seem possible that I will be able to survive
the real world at any cost.
I know I exacerbate every problem by worrying but I’m trying
my very best not to and I was doing surprisingly well last week. I even got a
100% on a Bio quiz. It may have been simple quiz to others but I was immensely
grateful for that grade because it reflected improvement and reinforced how
much I can accomplish when I put in the effort and the leave the rest in God’s
hands. Plus I was the only one in the class that got a 100%. I’m most certainly
looking forward to excelling in school this year.
So in the months of May and June I will be sitting one of
the most major regional exams I’ll ever sit in my young teenage life, the
C.A.P.E . Yes, I’ve been told the stories repeatedly; it’s difficult , requires
critical thinking and a lot more preparation than the C.X.C exams. I can attest
to that! The past papers that I’ve blessed my eyes on have partially blown my
mind away. However I can do it. I can pass them if I invest the time, effort, dedication,
sweat , hard work and self discipline into it. If I continue to stress that kind
of mentality and follow through with my actions, nothing is impossible to achieve
by the grace the God. Without Him everything
is impossible but with Him, nothing is possible.
In order to remain motivated, I keep three sheets of
motivational/inspirational quotes in my work area. When I sense the feelings of
depression overwhelming my mind, I look to the wall and I become inspired. Additionally,
there are living testimonies around me to show that hard work does reap success.
My mother for one is such a phenomenal woman. She inspires me and I want to continue
doing well so I can make her proud because making her proud makes me proud.
It may seem as if I’m not being coherent here but I’m just divulging
anything that comes to mind because apparently something it definitely bugging me and I just need to get it off my
chest. I admit that I’m different from most teenage girls. I don’t particularly
struggle with self-esteem but I do with confidence. I don’t party nor do I feel
the need to and I don’t day dream about my future wedding. However, I do worry
over my future profession and the fact that I’m not fulfilling my duties as a
role model to others at school. In relation to my future profession, all my
life I was adamant that I wanted to be a doctor. I was certain and there was nothing and no one that could have deterred
my drive but now that I’m merely a year from gracing University with my
presence, I’m not certain of what I want to be anymore. Recently , I’ve bee
exposed to aviation and I absolutely love it. I never thought I could be so dedicated
and focused on a field other that medicine and I’m seriously thinking of pursuing
the pilot profession. Also, I’ve been entertaining thoughts of becoming an engineer
but the slight problem is that I’m not currently doing advanced Physics nor am I
doing advanced Math and those subjects are integral for the field of
engineering. I don’t know why I’ve been having these thoughts. I really don’t
know or else I would have chosen my subjects much more wisely. In addition to these
career possibilities, I lack the resources, that why I need to excel in my
exams in order to receive a scholarship. I NEED a scholarship! I refuse to sit
at home after high school and watch my life past me by. I need to work hard. So
I have to give up Facebook, I’ll give it up. If I have to give up Koreans
related activities, I’ll give it up. If I have to lose sleep occasionally, I will
try.
Ahhh so many things that I want to be about!!!!
·
I love Shinee’s Kim Kibum. He’s so talented and gorgeous
and I find him unique. I still have a thing for Lee Taemin as well.
·
I’m becoming a bit fluent in Spanish. My
listening skills have improved.
·
This year I turn 18, with age comes responsibilities
and with age comes maturity. I think I’m growing up too fast; I’m not ready for
the real world.
·
When will I ever fly a plane again? I hope it’s
very soon because the first time was AMAZING.
·
This therapy, as I like to call it , is very
helpful. Just writing whatever comes to mind and whatever is on my find is
quite relaxing and I feel as if a burden has been lifted. I should do this more
often.
·
I’ll try to work harder. I NEED THAT
SCHOLARSHIP!!!!
